Bagpipes

The great highland bagpipes are, without a doubt, the finest musical instrument ever invented, which is why you like them so much.

They're a bitch to learn, mind you. Before you even play the pipes, you first have to master a recorder-like thing called a chanter. That alone can take most of a year. So while I might be too damn lazy to do it myself, I'm sure glad other people have the fortitude to learn the bloody things, because they sound like...um...what do they sound like?

Well, en masse, with accompanying drums, they sound like war in Heaven. "Haunting" is too cliche a term to describe the solo pipes - "stirring" is more like it; it's the sound of vitality in the face of near-certain death. Pipes have the power to give courage to cowards. An analysis by the Pentagon post-Vietnam showed that 10 pipers were the equivalent of a battalion of special forces on the battlefield. Had America employed more bagpipes, Vietnam might now be the 51st state.

Okay, that's total bullshit, but you get my point. And remember: for pipe music, always crank the volume to 11. (Check out these samples: http://www.bostonpipers.com/iainsound.html. But for full effect, pipes should be played outdoors, accompanied by snare and bass drums - or howitzers.)