Cats

You like having a cat, even if you've been an avowed cat-hater until this point.

Cats are chronically misunderstood. The reason is that they're usually aloof with people they don't know. Only a cat owner gets to witness his cat's true personality. If you really despise felines, though, this can be a tough thing to take on faith. So maybe thinking of them another way will help: Cats are miniature tigers - cool, little predators - that provide 80% of the companionship of a dog with only 20% of the work. That sounds pretty good, right?

And don't think that liking cats means changing your allegiance from being a dog person to being a cat person. We just need to change the titles completely, to cool person and fuckin-clown (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=fucking+clown - not to be confused with a clown fucker, which is something else altogether). Cool people know dogs and cats both rock. Fuckin-clowns hate dogs and actually hate cats, too. They would deny the latter, of course - "But I love my Mr. Muggles!" - but I know the truth. Fuckin-clowns (previously known as cat people) deny cats the dignity they deseve by treating felines like finicky, wussy plush toys, or finicky, wussy miniature dictators (Exhibit A: that unfunny A-hole Garfield).

Traditional cat lovers have done cats a grave disservice. They've branded the entire species as the pet of choice for eccentric losers, when they're actually just choice pets.