Unforgiven

You like the movie Unforgiven (http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/1041911-unforgiven/).

Now, all of you are discerning media consumers, so I'm sure you've seen this film already. For the handful who haven't, however, I have some bad news: you're idiots. Hey, don't blame the messenger. In a study conducted by the Maryland Institute of Popular Culture, in Hillsborough, 96% of people who haven't seen Unforgiven have an IQ of less than 90.

Honestly, I can't say I'm surprised. This Clint Eastwood western is God on celluloid, so you really would have to be a moron not to have seen it - like, really, really stupid.

Clint is super fuckin' bad-ass, Morgan Freeman was still great, Gene was on top of his game, and the script owns every other Western ever made. Zingers like: "Well I guess he should have armed himself..." or "We all got it comin', kid." I could go on - and I will: "It's a helluva thing, killin' a man - you take away all he's got and all he's ever gonna have" or "Innocent? Innocent of what?" Or how about, "All right, I'm coming out. Any man I see out there, I'm gonna shoot him. Any sumbitch takes a shot at me, I'm not only gonna kill him, but I'm gonna kill his wife, all his friends, and burn his damn house down." And I could go on again: "But I'm gonna hurt you. And not gentle like before...but bad." Or "I've killed women and children. I've killed everything that walks or crawls at one time or another. And I'm here to kill you, Little Bill, for what you done to Ned."

Holy fuckin' shit - gives you a chill just reading it, don't it?

The good news for you dummies who haven't seen Unforgiven yet is that each viewing raises your IQ by four points. Hey, I couldn't make this shit up.

PS: Hal Hinson can kiss my ass.