Roar!

You like komodo dragons.

Let's extend that to all monitor lizard kind. You see, most lizards suck. No, they really do. Who gives a damn about a chameleon, gecko or a skink. I say, level every last acre of their habitats and let them pass permanently into extinction (especially chameleons, those camouflaged little fuckers: root them out of every hiding place they have, try them in a Spalding tribunal and fry those bastards before launching their charred remains into orbit).

The exception is the monitors. The Komodo is the celebrity of the bunch, but there are lots of varieties, from the smaller red and yellow ackies, to the giant water, Nile, savannah and crocodile monitors. What makes this crew diferent is they're not stuck in the corner wearing dunce caps with the rest of lizard kind. These critters are smart--like, counting numbers smart. They're quick, too. If a komodo decides you're a meal, you'll need to hustle to get away.

And don't forgot the coolest feature Komodo dragons possess: fire-breathing...which presumably means they don't breathe regular air, but must inhale fire at all times or they suffocate.

Imagine having to keep a fire up to your face at all times. Must hurt like a bitch. Honestly, I don't know how they do it, or how any of the fire-breathing dragons did it back in the knight days. Sharon Stone's husband must have suffered terrible burns when a Komodo latched onto his foot.

One thing is for sure: No one but the most experienced keeper, with substantial resources available, has any business keeping any but the smallest-sized monitor as a pet. So I'd like to send out a big fuck you to all of the pet stores that sell eight-inch baby monitor lizards to kids for a hundred bucks. Bad news for the kid and bad news for the lizard.